This month's full moon has been a constant struggle in terms of my practice. Unlike last month's where I was flying and every pose came with ease, this time, it has been with great difficulty.
Therefore, I do what I do, and that is to just hit the mat. And hit the mat I did. Usually, after a bit, my practice tends to regulate and the struggle dissolves. Not this time though. I found myself more than half way done and still, dis-ease. Not the usual difficulty, but more on like walking a tightrope.
As I've never experienced this before, again, I do what I do, and that is go back to Patanjali and the Sutras. Here's what I found:
"Thus, there is this conflict going on inside when we start yoga practice. And nobody will know what is happening; only we ourselves will know it. It is practically impossible for an ordinary mind to prevent the entry of external impressions in respect of objects because years and years have been lived in a way which is in harmony with the objects of sense; therefore, the impressions created by the past experiences in respect of objects repeat themselves again and again, and seek entry into the mind. In yoga, we try to do the opposite of it. The concentration aspect of the mind, which is sattvic, tries to gain an upper hand over the rajasic and tamasicvrittis. What feelings arise at that time, in the mind, are the contents of the experience of the yogi himself. There is oftentimes a feeling of pleasure or joy; at other times there is a feeling of depression and falling down. It depends upon which vritti is strong. If there is a duel between two wrestlers, we cannot say at the very beginning itself who is going to win because the duel will go on for a long time, for hours together - one falling down and then getting up, and so on - so that we will be witnessing the duel without being able to make a judgement as to what is going to happen finally. Though it may look that someone is gaining, suddenly that one which appeared to be gaining will fall down, and that one which fell down will rise up, etc. This kind of thing will happen in the mind.
Likewise, we must be in a mood for yoga, always. At the very first opportunity provided to us, we should be in a mood of concentration, just as if we have a very delightful hobby or something which we like very much, we will resort to it immediately when the impediments to it are lifted. There are people who knit clothes - sweaters, etc. Wherever they go - whether it is a temple or it is a kitchen, it doesn’t matter - they will be knitting. They will be knitting everywhere because that is the mood of the mind, and they like to do it. It is a hobby, and it gives satisfaction. We are not able to do it only when there is an impediment or obstacle. The moment the impediment is lifted, we go to the natural mood. What the yoga requires of us is that our natural mood should be of yoga. We should not bring the mood of yoga with great effort and compulsion; that is not yoga. Yoga is spontaneous. A yogi is one who is spontaneously a yogi, not compulsively a yogi. We are not forced to practise yoga by anybody; that will not be successful.
We should not go on changing the ways of thinking. We should not experiment with different types of concentration. Then, the little bit of concentration that we have gained yesterday, in respect of a particular type of concentration, will not come today, because we are trying a new method. It is something like trying to hit a nail on different place, instead of hitting it on the same place. The caution that is usually expected to be exercised for the purpose of success in yoga, to bring about a mood of yoga in one’s mind always, perpetually, is to maintain regularity of practice, continuity of practice with intensity of will and ardour of feeling, maintaining the same mood for an equal length of time - not diminishing it or even extending it beyond certain limits - at the same place, and at the same hour, so that it becomes our regular profession and we have no other work. Even if we have some other profession, some other duty or work, it becomes secondary to our practice. This becomes primary; all that we do throughout our life, throughout the day, from morning to evening, becomes a contributory factor to bring about this mood of yoga so that there is nothing impeding our progress. We can adjust and arrange our activities and the vocational habits of the day in such a manner that they will not seriously obstruct the mood of yoga that we are trying to generate, which is nirodha parinama. This is one of the important transformations that the mind deliberately undergoes in the practice of samyama."
For the complete text, click here.
How did my struggle end? Unexpectedly. For those who practice like I do, you know that when coming close to a pose on which one is working, there tends to be a build up of apprehension, insecurity, doubt, even fear. You can imagine how I felt.
So I do what I do and just came into my pose and et viola, it came, unexpectedly, with much ease. Thinking this was a fluke, I came into it again. And AGAIN, with even greater ease. Thinking third time's a charm, I tried again, and I was flying.
I still don't understand it, but what I hold in my heart today is gratitude.
For more of George Underwood's artwork, as that above, click here.
